The Advice Corner: Preschooler is acting like a baby again

This month’s question: Why is my preschooler suddenly acting like a baby again?

Natalie Quiring-Oleson, MSW, LICSW, Therapist:

One of the most frustrating parts of raising children is the inconsistency in skill-building. The baby sleeps through the night for three nights in a row, and wakes up three times on the fourth night. Your toddler finally seems like they’re getting the hang of potty training, and then they have an accident in the middle of Target. The morning routine goes smoothly for a few weeks, and then your child throws an epic tantrum over the “wrong” pair of pants. These things happen, and while they are completely normal, it can make you feel like something is wrong – either with your parenting or with your child!

A common behavioral regression is acting like a baby. Often, this is after a sibling is born. Babies get so much attention, and it is natural for an older child to feel neglected. Once our daughter was born, my 4-year-old suddenly was very interested in “playing baby,” which included curling up in our laps, and pretending to drink a bottle. He would also lapse back into baby talk occasionally, especially when he was asking for something.

This will typically fade as the new baby becomes less new, and as the parents figure out more of a routine. If this is the case for your family, I would encourage you to make sure you (and your partner if there are two parents in the home) are still spending 1:1 time with your child. It can also help to get your child involved with the baby – ask them to get you the wipes for a diaper change, or help pick out the baby’s outfit for the day. If they don’t want to help, don’t push.

If this change isn’t due to a new sibling, it could be because of a different transition. This could be starting a new preschool program, moving houses, experiencing a loss of a loved one or a pet, parental separation, etc.

Regardless of the reason, it’s ok to indulge this in your child. It is temporary, and it is fulfilling some sort of need that your child currently has. It’s also ok to continue to set age-appropriate boundaries around behavior. For our son, we were fine with this during play time – but would not allow him to go back to demanding “milk!” rather than asking us (which he is fully capable of doing). In that case, we would gently remind him to use his 4-year-old voice.

In summary, if your child is suddenly acting like a baby again, consider possible changes in their life that could be causing it. This is not something that requires a big reaction from you. It’s ok to pretend they’re a baby during play time, and to continue to expect them to behave their age in other ways. It can also be fun to talk to your child about what they were like as a baby; and I especially enjoyed the renewed interest in snuggling!

The Advice Corner

The Advice Corner provides responses from a variety of staff, each with unique expertise, background and perspective. Please let us know if you have questions that you would like us to highlight. We want to hear from you! Questions will be posted anonymously. Please email questions to acowan@jfcsmn.org