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The Advice Corner: How can I help my children feel safe and not scared during this uncertain time?

This month’s question: “The world feels so unhinged, every day a new devastating challenge. How can I help my children feel safe and not scared during this uncertain time?”

Dori Gelfman, Education and Learning Coordinator:

Parenting in uncertain times

Many families are living in the “in-between” right now—between stress at school, social expectations, and living in a world that often feels unpredictable. As parents, it can be uncomfortable not to have clear answers or even how to begin the conversation. Remember, uncertainty doesn’t require perfection; it only requires being present.

Dori Gelfman

What kids need when answers aren’t clear
Children don’t need us to solve everything. What they need most is to feel safe, heard, and grounded in love. When adults acknowledge uncertainty without panic, kids learn that it is ok not to have all the answers. What is important is consistency, routine, emotional availability, and honest (age-appropriate) conversations to help children feel secure, even when circumstances feel shaky. You can start by saying, “You have probably heard people talking about a lot of big things lately, what have you noticed and how does it make you feel?”

Modeling calm without pretending everything is fine
Modeling calm doesn’t mean hiding worry or forcing optimism. Showing children how to hold difficult feelings without being overwhelmed by them is an important life skill. Saying, “I don’t have all the answers, but we’ll figure it out together,” teaches resiliency and trust. Even simply holding space for the conversation to be had and acknowledging that this is a hard time for everyone allows them to feel seen and not feel scared and alone.

Make sure you are feeling emotionally regulated prior to starting this conversation. As the saying goes, put your oxygen mask on before assisting others. As a parent, find simple ways to regulate your own stress—through pauses, boundaries, or support, so that you can show up calm and ready to listen. Showing calm and not being afraid to address difficult topics in an age-appropriate way teaches kids that big feelings can be handled safely.

Simple scripts parents can use
Sometimes, the hardest part is knowing what to say. A few gentle phrases can go a long way:

  • “It makes sense to feel unsure right now. I’m here with you.”
  • “I don’t know exactly how this will turn out, but we’ll take it one step at a time.”
  • “You don’t have to figure this out alone.”
 

These small moments of connection remind children that even in uncertain times, they are not alone—and neither are we. Together, we can find comfort and connection, something that everyone needs in uncertain times. Parenting in the in-between isn’t about having perfect answers; it’s about offering steady presence, compassion, and hope along the way.

Signs that kids may need extra support

There are several subtle ways that indicate that you or your child may need more support. Possible signs could present as emotional, behavioral, social or just parents’ intuition. Kids experience many ups and downs as they grow. However, if you are seeing these signs last more than a few weeks, intensify, or begin to affect your child’s functioning at home, school, or with peers, then it may be time to reach out to a professional such as teacher, school counselor, pediatrician, or a mental health professional.

Resources:

 

The Advice Corner

At JFCS, professional staff work to support and empower families at all ages and stages. We know that parenting is the most amazing and most challenging job around. Whether you are navigating toddler tantrums, trying to get your teen to put their phone down and connect with you, or trying to juggle hectic schedules, you are not alone. We will provide responses from a variety of staff, each with unique expertise, background and perspective. Please let us know if you have questions you would like us to highlight. We want to hear from you! Questions will be posed anonymously. Please email questions to: lpersky@jfcsmn.org